don’t save the date
kansas city, mo | 3:08pm CST

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i’ve often felt guilt for my constant need to wander.
i’ve often felt that my unquenchable desire for something new is actually a curse.
wreaking havoc on those close to me and leaving my heart in a constant state of mending

suddenly i see…je te vois…this is just a result of never knowing what i want, only knowing what i don’t want.
so, those sad, solitary times were worth it. after all.

i will never stop searching, seeing.
but now i have a vision. i see the horizon.
i want to build. always, never stopping. always changing. always growing.
always loving. avec toi.

someone once told me,
there is nothing more permanent than the temporary.

my thoughts will change. the color of my eyes will change.
i will change. and every time you see me, you’re seeing the new me.

at the crossroads
boston, ma | 11:09am EST

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i was looking for something but it was there all along.

i found it in the sky, the dewy grass, the way the earth became quiet at dusk. i found it in my hand touching his, in our interactions, in our smiles, our kisses. i found that if you look hard enough, it will startle you…the answers are all in front of you.

and even though i was looking daily, it took a poetic year of searching to realize one great thing, and for old habits to give way.

i am not an architect, a photographer, a teacher or a vocation.

i am a creator.
i am a maker.
i am a dreamer, and
i am a lover.

follow me in subsequent years here, as i continue my adventure.

jill
kansas city, mo | 4:16pm CST

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it just happened to work out.
the three of us.
after 363 days of seeing side by side online.
today we see each other side by side in person.
and more.
the six of us.
to see each other.

jaclyn
kansas city, mo | 4:16pm CST

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there were laughter and smiles. we listened intently to each other. few words had to be spoken because we already knew each others’ stories.

even though our year was separated by miles, we reunited as old friends, having spent nearly every day together.

closer
I35 N, ks | 2:02pm CST

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fly to me.
i’ll drive to you.
and when i see you, let’s not say a word.

under construction
highland, ks | 8:36am CST

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we had a modest christmas, our house in shambles from a kitchen renovation. drop cloths covered the piano, the living room furniture, the places we would normally gather. the decorations were minimal, but the spirits were high.

with a small amount of waiting and the sacrifice of a single christmas, we knew my parents would finally have their dream kitchen, and we could gather like normal for the rest of our lives.

mom’s soup
clearwater, ks | 6:05pm CST

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2 days of solid sleep, hot tea, and mom’s colorful soup was all i needed to kick this cold.
just in time.

28 on the 28th
highland, ks | 8:21am CST

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on my golden birthday, i feel the change that comes with growing older. i have been spared from wrinkles and gray hairs, but i can see the aging within myself, the changes that only time and experience bring, pain and suffering, joy and celebration.

this is the kind of aging that makes me happy. and if, in the future, this kind of aging must be accompanied by wrinkles and gray hairs, then so be it. i’ll welcome another birthday.

<3
selby, sd | 8:18am CST

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i kinda like hearts now.

the gift of the season
topeka, ks | 11:52am CST

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my family realizes the sacrifice that comes with loving. when someone needs something, we give. when someone calls, we answer. if there’s one thing i’ve learned from my parents, it’s to love so generously that giving your heart,
comes naturally.

risk
glenham, sd | 10:18pm CST

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what’s the point to life if risk is just a board game?

the defeat of winter
highland, ks | 8:35am CST

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after a white-knuckle drive from the airport home, we cancelled all christmas plans and stayed indoors. our courage reserves were drained empty. the storm had won. we easily accepted the defeat of blizzardy seclusion because it meant lingering in quiet conversation together.

we were home.
and that’s all that mattered.

her river
glenham, sd | 2:20pm CST

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the missouri river runs through my grandpa’s backyard.
today i can’t even see it.
but i know it’s there.

my grandma loved this view.
today she isn’t here.
but i feel her here.

the season of christmas
westminster, co | 7:54am MST

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“the enormous truth of Christmas rests in the revelation of God’s self to humankind. because of Jesus, we can make sense of our lives and understand more fully who we are and where we are going.”

sounds of cold
glenham, sd | 8:55am CST

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the sounds of outside wake me.
the wind shakes the house.
my room has no heat.
my heating blanket on high,
i pull the covers over my head

new fallen snow
westminster, co | 10:15am MST

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i awoke to a new fallen snow, pranced around the neighborhood in my running gear, took photos while others shoveled, and hummed the lyrics of my favorite christmas carol, in a bleak midwinter.

stop
glenham, sd | 2:18pm CST

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from montreal to new york city
to wichita to here.
i stop for a moment, but not for long.

the 23rd
morrison, co | 6:24pm MST

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december 23rd preserves tradition with a holtz family reunion. every year on the 23rd we meet, greet, bowl, sing carols, and catch up on the year that we haven’t spent together.

french and notes
clearwater, ks | 10:15m CST

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i’m forgetting my french,
i’m getting lazy in studying.

i’ve forgotten the notes.
i’ve been lazy in practicing.

shedding skin
denver, co | 2:57pm MST

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to shed the skin of another year passing, we celebrated with relaxing, wearing robes as today’s attire, moving between saunas, perspiring.