3-see

in my end is my beginning
san francisco, ca | 11:47pm PST

a lot has changed this year…
i became my own boss.
i wrote less and saw more.
i went where i had never gone before.
healing replaced running.
i connected with fewer but deeper.
i bought a car that’s been stolen twice.
i had more questions than answers.
photos have become more than a hobby.

every day in 2010,
i will not take a photograph.
but i will continue to search for beauty in the everyday
i will try to uncover inspiration in life’s menial tasks.
and i will look for the brilliance in the tiniest of moments.

and if you want to join me,
i will continue to be around.

don’t save the date
kansas city, mo | 3:08pm CST

i’ve often felt guilt for my constant need to wander.
i’ve often felt that my unquenchable desire for something new is actually a curse.
wreaking havoc on those close to me and leaving my heart in a constant state of mending

suddenly i see…je te vois…this is just a result of never knowing what i want, only knowing what i don’t want.
so, those sad, solitary times were worth it. after all.

i will never stop searching, seeing.
but now i have a vision. i see the horizon.
i want to build. always, never stopping. always changing. always growing.
always loving. avec toi.

someone once told me,
there is nothing more permanent than the temporary.

my thoughts will change. the color of my eyes will change.
i will change. and every time you see me, you’re seeing the new me.

at the crossroads
boston, ma | 11:09am EST

i was looking for something but it was there all along.

i found it in the sky, the dewy grass, the way the earth became quiet at dusk. i found it in my hand touching his, in our interactions, in our smiles, our kisses. i found that if you look hard enough, it will startle you…the answers are all in front of you.

and even though i was looking daily, it took a poetic year of searching to realize one great thing, and for old habits to give way.

i am not an architect, a photographer, a teacher or a vocation.

i am a creator.
i am a maker.
i am a dreamer, and
i am a lover.

follow me in subsequent years here, as i continue my adventure.

tessa
kansas city, mo | 4:16pm CST

we’d sat next to each other each day on a screen but never face to face across the table. each different from when we started yet the same. did we have expectations of our project? did we meet them? did we find beauty where we looked for it? did we uncover the extraordinary in our ordinary?

maybe the better question to ask is did you?

jill
kansas city, mo | 4:16pm CST

it just happened to work out.
the three of us.
after 363 days of seeing side by side online.
today we see each other side by side in person.
and more.
the six of us.
to see each other.

jaclyn
kansas city, mo | 4:16pm CST

there were laughter and smiles. we listened intently to each other. few words had to be spoken because we already knew each others’ stories.

even though our year was separated by miles, we reunited as old friends, having spent nearly every day together.

prairie fences
highway 35, ks | 2:47pm CST

these fences cannot contain the skies
but somehow they ground them…
they connected my feet to the clouds
and the blue to the grain.
ah, sigh. my soul is free here.

closer
I35 N, ks | 2:02pm CST

fly to me.
i’ll drive to you.
and when i see you, let’s not say a word.

under construction
highland, ks | 8:36am CST

we had a modest christmas, our house in shambles from a kitchen renovation. drop cloths covered the piano, the living room furniture, the places we would normally gather. the decorations were minimal, but the spirits were high.

with a small amount of waiting and the sacrifice of a single christmas, we knew my parents would finally have their dream kitchen, and we could gather like normal for the rest of our lives.

stare into the starlight
wichita, ks | 2:16pm CST

he made a cd for christmas,
and we made the cover.
hand made gifts are always the best.
it gives an experience, not just a thing.

mom’s soup
clearwater, ks | 6:05pm CST

2 days of solid sleep, hot tea, and mom’s colorful soup was all i needed to kick this cold.
just in time.

28 on the 28th
highland, ks | 8:21am CST

on my golden birthday, i feel the change that comes with growing older. i have been spared from wrinkles and gray hairs, but i can see the aging within myself, the changes that only time and experience bring, pain and suffering, joy and celebration.

this is the kind of aging that makes me happy. and if, in the future, this kind of aging must be accompanied by wrinkles and gray hairs, then so be it. i’ll welcome another birthday.

reflections of home
wichita, ks | 5:09pm CST

living so far from here, makes me appreciate it all the more… the smell of my famous cookies, the dim light of the family room, curled up under blankets with mom doing a cross word and dad on the floor, laughing around the kitchen table, snacking on check mix, doing nothing and yet everything by just being together. this is home. they are home.

<3
selby, sd | 8:18am CST

i kinda like hearts now.

the gift of the season
topeka, ks | 11:52am CST

my family realizes the sacrifice that comes with loving. when someone needs something, we give. when someone calls, we answer. if there’s one thing i’ve learned from my parents, it’s to love so generously that giving your heart,
comes naturally.

noel
wichita, ks | 11:37pm CST

just because it’s the day after, doesn’t mean i have to put my celebration away. my mom asked us if she could take the tree down and we protested… it was delayed.

insert text

risk
glenham, sd | 10:18pm CST

what’s the point to life if risk is just a board game?

the defeat of winter
highland, ks | 8:35am CST

after a white-knuckle drive from the airport home, we cancelled all christmas plans and stayed indoors. our courage reserves were drained empty. the storm had won. we easily accepted the defeat of blizzardy seclusion because it meant lingering in quiet conversation together.

we were home.
and that’s all that mattered.

peace
wichita, ks | 9:21pm CST

peace be with you. as the Father sent me, so I send you. {john 20:21}

this year, i pray i would be peace, i would love peace, i would bring peace.

her river
glenham, sd | 2:20pm CST

the missouri river runs through my grandpa’s backyard.
today i can’t even see it.
but i know it’s there.

my grandma loved this view.
today she isn’t here.
but i feel her here.

the season of christmas
westminster, co | 7:54am MST

“the enormous truth of Christmas rests in the revelation of God’s self to humankind. because of Jesus, we can make sense of our lives and understand more fully who we are and where we are going.”

sf to ks
berkeley, ca | 3:23pm CST

we began in sf and ended in ks.
i brought him to my home, my growing up home.
it is the place where i could sit for hours looking out the window.
i find comfort in knowing the streets and having the space to breath.
he’ll meet the people who gave this place meaning and brought me to life.
when we leave, i hope he’ll bring a little bit of ks back to sf with me.

sounds of cold
glenham, sd | 8:55am CST

the sounds of outside wake me.
the wind shakes the house.
my room has no heat.
my heating blanket on high,
i pull the covers over my head

new fallen snow
westminster, co | 10:15am MST

i awoke to a new fallen snow, pranced around the neighborhood in my running gear, took photos while others shoveled, and hummed the lyrics of my favorite christmas carol, in a bleak midwinter.

sunset view
oakland, ca | 5:20pm PST

everyone moving along looking down.
oh, what they’d see if only they’d look up.

stop
glenham, sd | 2:18pm CST

from montreal to new york city
to wichita to here.
i stop for a moment, but not for long.

the 23rd
morrison, co | 6:24pm MST

december 23rd preserves tradition with a holtz family reunion. every year on the 23rd we meet, greet, bowl, sing carols, and catch up on the year that we haven’t spent together.

nutcracker
sf, ca | 7:54pm PST

dressed up +
well fed +
on the arm of another +
seats at the back +
christmas spirit evoked +
made me want to dance +
a fantastic evening

french and notes
clearwater, ks | 10:15m CST

i’m forgetting my french,
i’m getting lazy in studying.

i’ve forgotten the notes.
i’ve been lazy in practicing.

shedding skin
denver, co | 2:57pm MST

to shed the skin of another year passing, we celebrated with relaxing, wearing robes as today’s attire, moving between saunas, perspiring.